you don't know what love is

you think you do, or maybe thought you did, but if you stop sharing your love then you do not love... you can tell yourself you care and you can tell yourself you hurt and create all sorts of rationale in your head for not sharing, but love is not love unless it is shared... the bullshit most people pass off as love is neediness, insecurity, or superficial hormonal impulses that lead to disappointment and pain, even tragedy, because the expectations are much higher than you can give, unless you love... what you do is fear and seek communal comfort to quell your fear, but that is not love... get over your fears and you may begin to understand...

keep your delusions to yourself

i mean, unless we are sleeping together, sharing intimate space, or actually bodily fluids, your delusions are your delusions and i do not want them in my way... whether you think there are spirits in the sky or ghosts in your belfry or even some rodent that can predict the weather, i am not interested in your mental illness unless we actually are sharing something real... if you do not get this, you are probably deluded so before you hurt yourself, just shut up and go away...

because nobody cares enough

people pretend to care, but nobody really cares enough... the bullshit people claiming to emulate the jesus character are the worst as they bleed hypocrisy, condemning and killing and creating poverty and starvation and hatred while pretending they are righteous and holy... those emulating other supposedly good kind and loving savious are no better... they pretend goodness as they are killing their neighbors... they are worms feeding on the corpse of humanity...

you were never here

you never read this

give a fuck

you don't, why should I?

faking it

the caring, the concern, the seriousness of life, the religious beliefs, the political ideology, the philosophical ponderings, the physical passion, the financial success, the togetherness, the responsibility, the regularity of entries, the righteous indignation, the amusement, the emotion, everything can be faked and usually is...

pretend otherwise and you are just faking it...

why care?

life is momentary, so people justify caring because they believe there's some benefit after death, care because it gets you into heaven...

and if there is no heaven?...

fuck you (very very much)

full of shit

most people are... and i don't mean that most people are fat and eat way more than their bodies need so they produce a lot of fecal material and fill toilets and sewers and landfills a whole lot more than they need to, but that's true too, at least as far as i can see... i mean most people lie all the time... most people don't care what is truth and what is a lie because they lie to themselves... they say what they think they should say... they say what they think is right... they say what they think people want to hear... they say what they want to do, but all of it is mostly lies... husbands, wifes, bosses, friends, anybody... they just want their own needs met and will say or do anything to get it and unfortunately many have the power to get away with it...

we won't even get into the delusions that most people base their entire lives and identity on, thank goobers... the irony is hysterical once you know better, or just open your eyes to reason and the obvious... but most people don't... you're probably most people, so nevermind...

who cares?

i could write the most profoundly essential words, the concept that explains god or the universe or everything, the key to peace and happiness and universal understanding, and who cares?... like the dam tree faling in the forest, it's meaningless... and even if you read it, are you really going to do it?... are we really going to share it?... of course not, we'll just go on bullshitting ourselves with the daily drivel we make so important (usually based on money in this sick culture) and nod our heads at the words and then forget they even exist...

i dare you to prove me wrong...

or perhaps the point is

the music above this or the words down below or the story in your eyes (go to the mirror boy?)... just listen and read and you'll find it if you want to and then it will matter... we cannot do everything at once, we cannot be everything to everyone, and we can only focus on one moment at a time if we truly want to make the most of the moment, enjoy it well, and share it completely... any less, and we waste it... so be in your moments, experience your choices, and regret only that you have the awareness of other desires you must pass on... there can be only one number one...

video guest blogger

i deserve better

i know i deserve better treatment from those with whom i interact... i deserve to be appreciated more... i deserve more consideration for my feelings and for my desires... i do not deserve to be ignored, to be used at everyone else's convenience and then disgarded, or at least put aside for weeks, months, or years only to be expected to pick up right where i left off giving unconditionally when someone wants something from me again... i know my giving ways allow people to take advantage of me and my choice to continue being me, to continue giving unconditionally, enables the users... i keep hoping i will find one human being who is not a user, but no such luck so far...

i know i deserve fairness and balance in my sharings, but it just does not happen and i continue because i am not going to be someone i am not just because no one else has the courtesy, fairness, consideration, caring, and love that i experience in me and give to others... it is their loss and my loss, but there is no other way... i will keep teasing, poking, prodding, and trying every way i can to present the idea (that all religions are based upon) that fear and selfishness and holding back is not the best way to be and that love is, honest open shared unconditional love... i will not care less, share less, love less, give less, be less... like the worst joke ever told, i'll be back (bock, even)...

fuck'em if they can't take a joke... or get it right :)

the hope

foolish as it seems, i still have my dreams... and the hope that all these words, thouands of pages (many thousands, actually)... writing an average of an hour a day for more than a decade (with some days skipped and other days lived in the words from waking to sleeping) writing and sending these words, these messages in bottles out on to the cyber seas... like a drunk robinson caruso talking to a soccer ball named amy, or [insert name here] and hoping for a response...

you're an idiot, i hear from the back of my mind... everybody is living while you are writing... and yet, someone must love words as i do, someone must want to share the words as i do, not as life, but as an extension of the mind, the ethereal life...

still, this may very well be why i am alone tonight...

the visit

what does the burning tree say to the burning bush?



fuck you?

huh?

or



Live!

what it is about

it does not matter if nobody cares, and the fact is, nobody does, but no worries, we can all go on pretending everybody cares just like at christmas or in church or at family gatherings or anywhere people seem to (or pretend to) care because, after all, that is what we do... and that is what it is about.

consistency revisited

if i came here every day and wrote something meaningful, something profound, or even just something that i wanted to share, innocuous, personal, general, specific, serious, irreverence, nonsense, or whatever...

would it matter in the end if you missed an entry?

as if that doesn't happen every day, but

who's counting, anyway?

lab rats

That's all we are, lab rats. Running around the maze of the internet, even when nobody is watching. Maybe the experiment got out of hand. Or maybe i am giving away the big secret right here and now. Does that eliminate me from the game or get me promoted. Not that I am actually asking. But Paranoids want to know, after all. Not really, if they wanted to know they wouldn't be so afraid of knowing, or being known, for that matter. Did we learn something?

I'll be lounging on the ferris bueller wheel if you need me.

missing the point

All the words can not compare with the touch of human skin, the breath of human exhale, the kiss of human lips. All the loving words in the universe cannot begin to fill the physical void of a sensual being. That is why most die while still walking around, for the agony of feeling the emptiness is worse than any numbness, but fools ask the question - is it better to go numb in words, to give up the chance for sensual sharing?

Better than what?

if we cared

We would understand.