you don't know what love is

you think you do, or maybe thought you did, but if you stop sharing your love then you do not love... you can tell yourself you care and you can tell yourself you hurt and create all sorts of rationale in your head for not sharing, but love is not love unless it is shared... the bullshit most people pass off as love is neediness, insecurity, or superficial hormonal impulses that lead to disappointment and pain, even tragedy, because the expectations are much higher than you can give, unless you love... what you do is fear and seek communal comfort to quell your fear, but that is not love... get over your fears and you may begin to understand...

still are

nothing personal, but nobody really cares beyond their personal bubbles, their sphere of influence, their ability to perceive and understand and control... if you thought differently, you were wrong... still are...

any day now

i just might catch up here (as if i was never gone as if that would be something new, screw) when i have a moment to barf up some seriously special vitriol about whatever sticks in my craw about whatever anytime because, you know, life in this world is full of shit (people produce more of it than anything else, especially in the west, cuz people eat so much more than they need to survive, which is just one of the problems with people), but for tonight i will just remind myself this place exists and so does this part of me... being nice, don't let it fool you too much... people do that, you know?...

hate too though

when i want to vent vitriol, venom, or vexation, i come here... when i want to spew shit that bugs me, i might go elsewhere (like the futility of a blog called meaningless complaints, for instance)... but when i am feeling the reality of nobody caring enough or the fact that humans are suicidal individually and as a species and i just want to stop hoping people will change and tell them all to fuck off, here we are... what fucking vulnerability is this?...

ok, you want more, i can do vulnerable... especially personally, the fact is, i write something about myself and/or something creatively every day somewhere... i maintain a daily life blog... i write in more than a hundred other blogs and places for an equivalent number of reasons... and the fact is that the fact is, nobody cares enough to be there everywhere every time i write... fact is, only a few people care enough to check in every now and then... fact is, i feel like i waste my time trying to communicate with humans, trying to maintain hope someone will understand and share... fact is, i feel like an idiot for continuing to be here... hey, maybe i fit in now, with the idiots i mean... pathetic makes us the same, right?... how pathetic...

yeah?