you don't know what love is

you think you do, or maybe thought you did, but if you stop sharing your love then you do not love... you can tell yourself you care and you can tell yourself you hurt and create all sorts of rationale in your head for not sharing, but love is not love unless it is shared... the bullshit most people pass off as love is neediness, insecurity, or superficial hormonal impulses that lead to disappointment and pain, even tragedy, because the expectations are much higher than you can give, unless you love... what you do is fear and seek communal comfort to quell your fear, but that is not love... get over your fears and you may begin to understand...

don't wanna be angry

but fuck this humanity hypocrisy and if you don't know what i mean, you just may be a moron and part of it, but before i say fuck you too, i'll give you the chance to explain... and in case you ever gave a fuck, whatever is not considered an explanation...

people are cruel

fear makes people cruel... even though it hurts them inside, they become numb to it and justify it by believing they must be cruel to survive... they must kill... they must hate... getting paid to be cruel is the norm... step on each other in the climb to the top... win at all costs... kindness is weakness... caring is weakness... the best liar wins... trust is weakness... be kind, caring, truthful, vulnerable, try it, you'll end up with nothing... show me proof otherwise if you can...

justice for none

ever wonder what it might be like to be the person who controls everything?... is there someone who does have that power or is that just a fantasy or conspiracy theory?... come on, can you use your mind at all?... ever wonder why people are so stupid to believe that if a small group of people, like rich bankers, for instance, controlled everything it must be either a far fetched conspiracy theory - or evil (for those who believe it), but if an invisible person who lives in the sky controls everything in this hellish world of torture and suffering, that guy to be worshipped and unconditionally trusted?...

morons...

they will they will fuck you

people, that is... whether through government, religion, consumerism, family, whatever, they will (they will) fuck you and fuck you up good... awwww, did i hurt someone's feelings?... did i shock someone's sensibilities?... did i offend?...

well fuck you, being offended is just your way of trying to control me - shove your nose up someone else's ass if you want to be shit on... play the victim, play the poor abused victim, the pitiful frail human, but you are really a spoiled prick wanting to be jacked off... your mistake is trusting someone cares just because they say they do... they just want your money, your energy, your mind and body... don't believe them because they will (yes they will) fuck you...

wtfuck?

oh, did i offend someone?... did i surprise by finishing the f word after the wt?... what the fuck is the difference?... what the fuck is the point of this blog?... was there any point?... was there any worth to any of the entries along the way?... years now this blog has been spitting vitriol and futility into cyberspace and now and then someone response with understanding or something... but what does it mean?... what's the point?... what the fuck?...

anti-corp

maybe that is what all this blogging is about, the extreme antithesis of the corporate board room serious professional high risk of public exposure due to major secret privacy rules and laws and clearances and stuff i can only alude to cleverly and even this is beyond wise considering the dangers and losses that could be sustained if the secrets get out...

i am a rebel, after all...

and only you know...

sorta...

narf...

101

caring 101 as if it is so hard to grasp... that's right, a hundred and one posts right here and how many of them have you missed?... of course, you are way too busy to care enough to actually keep in touch, all of you who claim to care... almost fifteen hundred entries in the primary daily blog and how many have you read, no less left a caring word or two that would actually make your so called caring real... yeah, yeah, i know, time is relative and it's the thought that counts and all that jazz...

and how many thoughts included me?

you want positivity, go elsewhere, you'll find the reality of your caring, or lack thereof, reflected back at you it you ever show up here... the worst part is you actually think you do care...

one more daily delusion bought and sold...

word.

rem jewel and metal bugs

deep sleep dreams last for but the briefest moment and in the end, the saved gave nothing back to the world but fear and oppression and nightmares (they needed to create the darkness and fear of the darkness to sell the light), so nothing else matters, who knows (tomorrow?)...

like you could care less...

the joke

or not so joke is that i am one of the people laughing at the ridiculousness of egocentric insecurity that compels us to pretend that anybody might care to know every little thing about me or you or anyone as if something important like happiness or world peace rests on writing these words...

wait, it's time for my next tweet...

narf.

if you take any of this seriously

you are an idiot... but then, you had to know that was coming, look where you are... here again?... i mean, again?... obviously, you are wrong, because it you do not take this seriously, you just prove the point, nobody cares, so why should you...

so why are you here, really?

yeah, today

I remember, but what is the point, really, if nobody cares (interacts to accept the caring, cha)?...

full of shit

most people are... and i don't mean that most people are fat and eat way more than their bodies need so they produce a lot of fecal material and fill toilets and sewers and landfills a whole lot more than they need to, but that's true too, at least as far as i can see... i mean most people lie all the time... most people don't care what is truth and what is a lie because they lie to themselves... they say what they think they should say... they say what they think is right... they say what they think people want to hear... they say what they want to do, but all of it is mostly lies... husbands, wifes, bosses, friends, anybody... they just want their own needs met and will say or do anything to get it and unfortunately many have the power to get away with it...

we won't even get into the delusions that most people base their entire lives and identity on, thank goobers... the irony is hysterical once you know better, or just open your eyes to reason and the obvious... but most people don't... you're probably most people, so nevermind...

who cares?

i could write the most profoundly essential words, the concept that explains god or the universe or everything, the key to peace and happiness and universal understanding, and who cares?... like the dam tree faling in the forest, it's meaningless... and even if you read it, are you really going to do it?... are we really going to share it?... of course not, we'll just go on bullshitting ourselves with the daily drivel we make so important (usually based on money in this sick culture) and nod our heads at the words and then forget they even exist...

i dare you to prove me wrong...

the hope

foolish as it seems, i still have my dreams... and the hope that all these words, thouands of pages (many thousands, actually)... writing an average of an hour a day for more than a decade (with some days skipped and other days lived in the words from waking to sleeping) writing and sending these words, these messages in bottles out on to the cyber seas... like a drunk robinson caruso talking to a soccer ball named amy, or [insert name here] and hoping for a response...

you're an idiot, i hear from the back of my mind... everybody is living while you are writing... and yet, someone must love words as i do, someone must want to share the words as i do, not as life, but as an extension of the mind, the ethereal life...

still, this may very well be why i am alone tonight...