Monday, September 22, 2008

the point

may be to demonstrate why blogging is ineffectual as a means of meaningful conversation, for no blog can stop the bleeding... in other words (because there are always other words, time and space dilute any meaningfulness the words, and therein the blog, can have)... if i am so lonesome i could die at this moment and hold out hope that words posted here will help, i could just as easily be so fucking angry at the futility of reaching out that i could scream fuck you all for not giving a damn a few moments later because, after all, you are not sitting there waiting for my plea for comfort and reassurance that i am not alone... and then, look around, am i really there?... here?... anywhere?... of course not, so the loneliness can only be abated a bit and only in the mind... but the bottom line is that the very act of sitting here and typing these words and writing this blog is keeping me from ending the actual loneliness in my life... catch 2?...

so keep blogging, if that is really what you want to do...

6 comments:

ohmegah said...

Amen. Blogging is the most pathetic and lazy way to get attention. Like people sit there typing away their meanigless bullshit (like a stranger really cares). So people around you don't like... so what? get out into the real world, read a book, go to a bar, meet strangers, fuck, do SOMETHING! depressed? go to your doctor to give you antidepressants, but stop wasting internet space with your meanigless bullshit. If you have nothing to contribute, shut the fuck up!

candoor said...

i feel sad when i think about people who substitute a life shared in the physical now around them for a life of words online... i type my meaningless bullshit every day for a handful people who live far away, like leaving them a telephone message to keep in touch... and i mock myself often as i wave at the rest of the world hoping some magical connection will happen, hoping someone will fall in love and we'll meet and live happily ever after... fairy tales are written in words, after all :)

but i know where real life is to be shared... and to spend too much time online at the expense of the physical life offline, that, to me, is sad...

my view is not that people should shut up, but rather, to get real - as you say, to go out and live life, experience people and art and music and physical activity and sex and whatever they enjoy - to share the physical life experience in real time...

and if they love words and communicating through words as i do, to find a few moments to leave a few words for anyone who cares in their little internet boxes...

for me, writing is my meditations, my way of talking to myself, focusing my thoughts and clarifying my feelings and harnessing my energies and unwinding... words are also toys for my mind and i love to play with them...

so i do it for me, mostly, but if someone else comes along and finds some worth, great, a friend may be found :)

ohmegah said...

True, true, I write for me on that site. Very few people appreciate my words, and I'm so glad because my words have double meaning and perhaps they get it too.

I think that the rise of blogging demonstrates the overral discomfort with society now. If people were content with their lives they wouldn't be looking on the internet for what they are missing.

And yeah, I'm the same way, when I write, my mind is clearer. Like I pin point what exactly is bothering me and I release it, and sometimes when I do I kinda like how it came out.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite, I admit, when I was 18, I did meet someone who found my diaryland website, and she got it too or so I thought. But she was just as blind as the rest, and so she was made up of nothing but lies and she could hide the truth so well from the other side of the screen. I think it's such a foolish thing to actually meet people from the internet for intimate relationships. I speak from experience, and from not being able to be with the girl I care about the most because she is trapped on the internet all day, and she thinks she found love through the internet, when I'm right here infront of her, not only telling her about love, but showing her, but she's locked in this screen, looking at a stranger, who she doesn't even really know. My contempt for this bullshit has grown even more in the past month because of that situation, which I ended yesterday.

"Love is real, real is love. Love is feeling, feeling love...Love is touch, touch is love. Love is reaching, reaching love...love is living, living love. Love is needing to be loved."

candoor said...

Ouch... i feel wrong for not finding this sooner and i hope you are healing or things changed for the better... i suppose i understand why your diary is locked now... i can not say i understand exactly your experience, but i've had similar experiences in relationships where connections were never made... some people live the grass is always greener on the other side...

take care of yourself...

john was/is right about love.

ohmegah said...

Yeah I've gotten over it and over this past "her" and her bullshit. If a lesson is to be learned then it's this: you can never make a person love you. Yeah you're right, I did lock my diary because I've never shown it to anyone in my real life world, ever. And then I opened myself completely to her, and she knew my every though and emotion, hell we drank each other's blood, and then she completely betrays everything that we had. It was heaven when we were together, but hell in between nights, and then she ran away with her illusion and I will never ever feel her near, but that's her loss. I told her,"deny me and be damned" and she will be, here on this earth, but anyways...

My user name: adam
password: kadmon

you are more than welcome to read, it will be unlocked soon though, when I change the layout and start my new story.

candoor said...

so true, love is a gift, it can not be taken - the body can be taken, controlled, the life can be enslaved, but not love...

may you find one worthy of your gift...