caring

The delusion of caring that passes for caring among humans, like most human delusions, repulses me.

If this is too real for you, fuck off.

random time

sometimes the date and time stamped on an entry in this or any blog has great meaning and sometimes, perhaps most times, it is meaningless... you can only have a clue as to which is which or when if you ask for it, but be prepared, for the answer may be a whole lot more than you are looking for... you can fuck yourself for being a superficial twit and get pissed on or you can suck it up and swallow your pride if you really want to know something... but chances are, you have no clue as to what you really want to know... no wonder you get those odd silent stares when you speak...

if you only knew the truth about your limited conscious awareness, you'd realize that most of the time you are getting fucked up the ass while giving someone a blowjob anyway and you don't even know it...

what time is it now?...

this is not for you

you don't care enough to get it, like most humans, maybe even all humans, so this is not for you except when i am telling you to fuck off because you don't care enough to get it... this is the where only the truest hearts, the most honest minds, and the most aware beings might find a shred of connection amidst the vitriol and sloppy farts... after all, if someone spits on you you likely take offense, but if a lover drools in your mouth you you likely continue sucking on her tongue... it's a matter of perspective and you are definitely not a lover or in any way an intimate...

if you think this does not apply to you, apply within...

if you dare...

you don't know what love is

you think you do, or maybe thought you did, but if you stop sharing your love then you do not love... you can tell yourself you care and you can tell yourself you hurt and create all sorts of rationale in your head for not sharing, but love is not love unless it is shared... the bullshit most people pass off as love is neediness, insecurity, or superficial hormonal impulses that lead to disappointment and pain, even tragedy, because the expectations are much higher than you can give, unless you love... what you do is fear and seek communal comfort to quell your fear, but that is not love... get over your fears and you may begin to understand...

keep your delusions to yourself

i mean, unless we are sleeping together, sharing intimate space, or actually bodily fluids, your delusions are your delusions and i do not want them in my way... whether you think there are spirits in the sky or ghosts in your belfry or even some rodent that can predict the weather, i am not interested in your mental illness unless we actually are sharing something real... if you do not get this, you are probably deluded so before you hurt yourself, just shut up and go away...

if i wanted you to read this i would tell you about it

you are probably just another asshole like most humans, ignorant of your own sensory ability, blinded by the fears you've been taught since before you could walk or talk or think for yourself, condemned to stupidity for your entire life, and worst of all, buying the belief that your life actually means something profoundly wonderful... it's all bullshit, get over it, and wake up... if you aren't laughing, you missed the point, no probably about it...

stupidity reigns

the hypocrites rule, even if you miss out, you will dig your own grave in the end... elect another corporation... pray to another king... give into your fears and give up your rights and freedoms, it's easier when you are not responsible for your actions, when you are told what to do, when you don't have to think...

because nobody cares enough

people pretend to care, but nobody really cares enough... the bullshit people claiming to emulate the jesus character are the worst as they bleed hypocrisy, condemning and killing and creating poverty and starvation and hatred while pretending they are righteous and holy... those emulating other supposedly good kind and loving savious are no better... they pretend goodness as they are killing their neighbors... they are worms feeding on the corpse of humanity...

don't wanna be angry

but fuck this humanity hypocrisy and if you don't know what i mean, you just may be a moron and part of it, but before i say fuck you too, i'll give you the chance to explain... and in case you ever gave a fuck, whatever is not considered an explanation...

you were never here

you never read this

all you never knew

came before...

still are

nothing personal, but nobody really cares beyond their personal bubbles, their sphere of influence, their ability to perceive and understand and control... if you thought differently, you were wrong... still are...

all the lonely people, where do they all come from?

really, who gives a fuck?

you miss out

lately this place has been visited, yeah, someone, maybe you, stopped by here and maybe you even read the words... maybe you even left a comment and i didn't notice... but nobody read this one and because of that, it continues... and you miss out...

it's because

it's because so few people are not psychopaths (as if you could understand anything)... how can you know what you do not know... how can you open your mind to something you are too afraid to even imagine as a possibility?... imagine no possessions, can you?... can you imagine no countries?... can you imagine no religion?... pretty song, but you are too afraid to actually free yourself from your need for spiritual and jingoistic hate (no less possessiveness and greed) to even begin to understand the wisdom, no less actualize the words... you are the disease, the virus, the cancer killing yourself and trying to kill this planet... and if you were only a little more intelligent than an ape, you'd know the planet will survive and you will not... but you ignore and re-write history in your egocentric madness to quell your fears and believe you are some sort of hero... humans may be the stupidest sentient species in the universe, no wonder nobody else wants contact... good laugh, huh?...

dolts...

blindness is relative

are you one of the fools who believe what you do not see is not there?... pathetic... you lived your entire life and you never knew what you missed...

people are cruel

fear makes people cruel... even though it hurts them inside, they become numb to it and justify it by believing they must be cruel to survive... they must kill... they must hate... getting paid to be cruel is the norm... step on each other in the climb to the top... win at all costs... kindness is weakness... caring is weakness... the best liar wins... trust is weakness... be kind, caring, truthful, vulnerable, try it, you'll end up with nothing... show me proof otherwise if you can...

the psycho path

most rational aware conscious people

do not get

nearly enough credit

for not

being

violent psychopaths...

shit yeah

just for the record, all kidding aside (all shitting you aside too), if you followed every link in the previous entry then what the fuck?... why are you still here (or not here, depending on perspective)?...

my left tit thanks you.

seriously now?

or seriously not, as in seriously, NOT! but fucking WHAT?!!?!! and really, now who takes any of this shit seriously, anyway... really?... no REALLY!! WHAT??!?!?!... it's all bullshit anyway, in case you were too stupid to realize the obvious... you can get fucking offended or shake your head pathetically with lame aspirsions boucing around between your ears (as if you had room for thinking at all) or you can get lost in mindless videos but the truth is (right, believe this) nothing is really as it seems, WHAT?!?!?... sappy pathetic fantasies as if you want to be with me or even ancient rhetoric, eros, saphos, pathos, ethos, or something like that... this?... WHAT?!?!?!... and in the end it all just may be relative opinions and complaints (or comments and complaints, depending on perspective)...

any day now

i just might catch up here (as if i was never gone as if that would be something new, screw) when i have a moment to barf up some seriously special vitriol about whatever sticks in my craw about whatever anytime because, you know, life in this world is full of shit (people produce more of it than anything else, especially in the west, cuz people eat so much more than they need to survive, which is just one of the problems with people), but for tonight i will just remind myself this place exists and so does this part of me... being nice, don't let it fool you too much... people do that, you know?...

empathy

you can pretend it's ok, but empathy sucks... the world is full of depressed suicidal sado-masochistic psychopaths and you want to feel the way they feel?... you must be one too... it's the brainwashing you get from birth that convinces you that being a martyr is a good thing, that dying for a cause is a good thing, that a life of self-less sacrifice is a good thing, but you hate actually doing it so much you become torn into a bi-polar depressed suicidal sado-masochistic psychopath... and you pretend not to know it...

happy fucking birthday...

justice for none

ever wonder what it might be like to be the person who controls everything?... is there someone who does have that power or is that just a fantasy or conspiracy theory?... come on, can you use your mind at all?... ever wonder why people are so stupid to believe that if a small group of people, like rich bankers, for instance, controlled everything it must be either a far fetched conspiracy theory - or evil (for those who believe it), but if an invisible person who lives in the sky controls everything in this hellish world of torture and suffering, that guy to be worshipped and unconditionally trusted?...

morons...

sympathy?

i don't want any, compassion, maybe, but is there any compassion in this world that isn't self-serving bullshit?... i don't think so and if you can prove me wrong, maybe i will sympathize...

meaningless drivel

as opposed to meaningless complaints (what?... shameless self-promotion?... promoting what?... meaningless drivel?)... how the hell did you find yourself stumbling through this place, anyway?... were you searching for the word fuck or masochist or something?... some sort of warped self-loathing?... a death wish?... accidental word association (you poor fool)... look around, i'm sure you'll find something to offend you, asshole...

hate too though

when i want to vent vitriol, venom, or vexation, i come here... when i want to spew shit that bugs me, i might go elsewhere (like the futility of a blog called meaningless complaints, for instance)... but when i am feeling the reality of nobody caring enough or the fact that humans are suicidal individually and as a species and i just want to stop hoping people will change and tell them all to fuck off, here we are... what fucking vulnerability is this?...

ok, you want more, i can do vulnerable... especially personally, the fact is, i write something about myself and/or something creatively every day somewhere... i maintain a daily life blog... i write in more than a hundred other blogs and places for an equivalent number of reasons... and the fact is that the fact is, nobody cares enough to be there everywhere every time i write... fact is, only a few people care enough to check in every now and then... fact is, i feel like i waste my time trying to communicate with humans, trying to maintain hope someone will understand and share... fact is, i feel like an idiot for continuing to be here... hey, maybe i fit in now, with the idiots i mean... pathetic makes us the same, right?... how pathetic...

yeah?

they will they will fuck you

people, that is... whether through government, religion, consumerism, family, whatever, they will (they will) fuck you and fuck you up good... awwww, did i hurt someone's feelings?... did i shock someone's sensibilities?... did i offend?...

well fuck you, being offended is just your way of trying to control me - shove your nose up someone else's ass if you want to be shit on... play the victim, play the poor abused victim, the pitiful frail human, but you are really a spoiled prick wanting to be jacked off... your mistake is trusting someone cares just because they say they do... they just want your money, your energy, your mind and body... don't believe them because they will (yes they will) fuck you...

what a waste

yeah, all the memories, all the love we gave is wasted, gone, bullshit because it's gone, the people leave and forget and there is nothing real left... not even enough to create something out of nothing the way i used to, just the empty realization that the caring ended and the love was wasted... and nobody who ever gave a fuck lasted...

not just hate

plenty of ambiviolence (ambivalence?) and distaint (disdain?) and crap coming out of everybody's ass because that is how humans are built and the species has not evolved to the point of cleaning up behind ourselves and yet just aware enough to be able to fool ourselves into thinking we are a superior species... if we don't destroy ourselves, maybe we will get there...

eventually...

pause

i was distracted, maybe... i was complacent, maybe... i was apathetic, maybe... i was pretending it was all ok, maybe... distracted, complacent, apathetic, pretending, repetitious, redundant, superfluous, stupid... but nothing changed, did it?... what a waste...

middle of the night

anyone out there awake?... sometimes i just want to know someone who cares and is awake to say hello to, even in text, in the middle of the night... but the silence tells the story of how little people care...

titless

it's good to not be lonely
it's good to be in love
it's good to live with friends
it's good to have someone to sleep with
someone to cuddle with
someone to be with

it sucks to be lonely
it sucks to not be in love
it sucks to live alone
it sucks to have no one to sleep with
no one to cuddle with
no one to be with

and though it may not be quite so black and white
mostly this is way too right
and i'd rather be good
than suck

wtfuck?

oh, did i offend someone?... did i surprise by finishing the f word after the wt?... what the fuck is the difference?... what the fuck is the point of this blog?... was there any point?... was there any worth to any of the entries along the way?... years now this blog has been spitting vitriol and futility into cyberspace and now and then someone response with understanding or something... but what does it mean?... what's the point?... what the fuck?...

beyond fatigue

blurry beyond fatigue beyond exhausted beyond...

beyond words...

returning the futility

the longer it continues, the less it matters...

kapish?

and in the end

you became meaningless in your absence...

and this blog was dedicated to you.

message to the missing

and being missing, you might miss this message, but because you are missing, this is for you... you know who you are...

why are you not following my words?... your caring ends?... you can get an email (or text, even) letting you know i put a few words online and you choose to be missing it, you are missing in inaction...

and i miss you less each year...

punctuation

you looking for some?... have a fucking period.

useless warnings

requesting attention may get you some
giving attention may get you more
but look around and take care of your heart
in this blog you will be torn apart

this is the anti-blog
i curse the hypocrisy
of people pretending to care
especially about me

words can mean anything
you decide in your mind
if you believe you understand
you might as well be blind

even in the physical world
where everybody lies
don't pretend you know anything
until you look into my eyes

and then, the challenge begins
dare truth to come out
I doubt you will, i expect you to pretend
that is what people are about

dare to prove me wrong
every test will tell
how far will you go
to create your heaven or hell

words can mean anything
you decide in your mind
if you believe you understand
you might as well be blind

it is all in your mind
where everybody lies
don't pretend you know anything
until you look in my eyes

anti-corp

maybe that is what all this blogging is about, the extreme antithesis of the corporate board room serious professional high risk of public exposure due to major secret privacy rules and laws and clearances and stuff i can only alude to cleverly and even this is beyond wise considering the dangers and losses that could be sustained if the secrets get out...

i am a rebel, after all...

and only you know...

sorta...

narf...

here, there, wherever

doesn't really matter whether i am here or gone or wherever in the end cuz the world goes on (and so do you) whether i am here or gone, there or wherever, and you don't really care cuz you don't call and ask where i am or how i am when i am gone and i don't even know you are there and we probably will never actually know each other so what?... we pretend we relate for a second or few and get some sense of connection and that gets us where?... here, there, wherever...

caring is a verb

if you do not do it, you lose it
if you do not do it, it does not exist
even if you think it does
even if you create a feeling inside
that fools you into believing you do
if you do not do it, you don't

did you care today?
what did you do?