they will they will fuck you

people, that is... whether through government, religion, consumerism, family, whatever, they will (they will) fuck you and fuck you up good... awwww, did i hurt someone's feelings?... did i shock someone's sensibilities?... did i offend?...

well fuck you, being offended is just your way of trying to control me - shove your nose up someone else's ass if you want to be shit on... play the victim, play the poor abused victim, the pitiful frail human, but you are really a spoiled prick wanting to be jacked off... your mistake is trusting someone cares just because they say they do... they just want your money, your energy, your mind and body... don't believe them because they will (yes they will) fuck you...

what a waste

yeah, all the memories, all the love we gave is wasted, gone, bullshit because it's gone, the people leave and forget and there is nothing real left... not even enough to create something out of nothing the way i used to, just the empty realization that the caring ended and the love was wasted... and nobody who ever gave a fuck lasted...

not just hate

plenty of ambiviolence (ambivalence?) and distaint (disdain?) and crap coming out of everybody's ass because that is how humans are built and the species has not evolved to the point of cleaning up behind ourselves and yet just aware enough to be able to fool ourselves into thinking we are a superior species... if we don't destroy ourselves, maybe we will get there...

eventually...

pause

i was distracted, maybe... i was complacent, maybe... i was apathetic, maybe... i was pretending it was all ok, maybe... distracted, complacent, apathetic, pretending, repetitious, redundant, superfluous, stupid... but nothing changed, did it?... what a waste...

middle of the night

anyone out there awake?... sometimes i just want to know someone who cares and is awake to say hello to, even in text, in the middle of the night... but the silence tells the story of how little people care...

titless

it's good to not be lonely
it's good to be in love
it's good to live with friends
it's good to have someone to sleep with
someone to cuddle with
someone to be with

it sucks to be lonely
it sucks to not be in love
it sucks to live alone
it sucks to have no one to sleep with
no one to cuddle with
no one to be with

and though it may not be quite so black and white
mostly this is way too right
and i'd rather be good
than suck

wtfuck?

oh, did i offend someone?... did i surprise by finishing the f word after the wt?... what the fuck is the difference?... what the fuck is the point of this blog?... was there any point?... was there any worth to any of the entries along the way?... years now this blog has been spitting vitriol and futility into cyberspace and now and then someone response with understanding or something... but what does it mean?... what's the point?... what the fuck?...

beyond fatigue

blurry beyond fatigue beyond exhausted beyond...

beyond words...

returning the futility

the longer it continues, the less it matters...

kapish?

and in the end

you became meaningless in your absence...

and this blog was dedicated to you.

message to the missing

and being missing, you might miss this message, but because you are missing, this is for you... you know who you are...

why are you not following my words?... your caring ends?... you can get an email (or text, even) letting you know i put a few words online and you choose to be missing it, you are missing in inaction...

and i miss you less each year...

punctuation

you looking for some?... have a fucking period.

useless warnings

requesting attention may get you some
giving attention may get you more
but look around and take care of your heart
in this blog you will be torn apart

this is the anti-blog
i curse the hypocrisy
of people pretending to care
especially about me

words can mean anything
you decide in your mind
if you believe you understand
you might as well be blind

even in the physical world
where everybody lies
don't pretend you know anything
until you look into my eyes

and then, the challenge begins
dare truth to come out
I doubt you will, i expect you to pretend
that is what people are about

dare to prove me wrong
every test will tell
how far will you go
to create your heaven or hell

words can mean anything
you decide in your mind
if you believe you understand
you might as well be blind

it is all in your mind
where everybody lies
don't pretend you know anything
until you look in my eyes

anti-corp

maybe that is what all this blogging is about, the extreme antithesis of the corporate board room serious professional high risk of public exposure due to major secret privacy rules and laws and clearances and stuff i can only alude to cleverly and even this is beyond wise considering the dangers and losses that could be sustained if the secrets get out...

i am a rebel, after all...

and only you know...

sorta...

narf...

here, there, wherever

doesn't really matter whether i am here or gone or wherever in the end cuz the world goes on (and so do you) whether i am here or gone, there or wherever, and you don't really care cuz you don't call and ask where i am or how i am when i am gone and i don't even know you are there and we probably will never actually know each other so what?... we pretend we relate for a second or few and get some sense of connection and that gets us where?... here, there, wherever...

caring is a verb

if you do not do it, you lose it
if you do not do it, it does not exist
even if you think it does
even if you create a feeling inside
that fools you into believing you do
if you do not do it, you don't

did you care today?
what did you do?