Saturday, January 10, 2009

Friday, January 02, 2009

i deserve better

i know i deserve better treatment from those with whom i interact... i deserve to be appreciated more... i deserve more consideration for my feelings and for my desires... i do not deserve to be ignored, to be used at everyone else's convenience and then disgarded, or at least put aside for weeks, months, or years only to be expected to pick up right where i left off giving unconditionally when someone wants something from me again... i know my giving ways allow people to take advantage of me and my choice to continue being me, to continue giving unconditionally, enables the users... i keep hoping i will find one human being who is not a user, but no such luck so far...

i know i deserve fairness and balance in my sharings, but it just does not happen and i continue because i am not going to be someone i am not just because no one else has the courtesy, fairness, consideration, caring, and love that i experience in me and give to others... it is their loss and my loss, but there is no other way... i will keep teasing, poking, prodding, and trying every way i can to present the idea (that all religions are based upon) that fear and selfishness and holding back is not the best way to be and that love is, honest open shared unconditional love... i will not care less, share less, love less, give less, be less... like the worst joke ever told, i'll be back (bock, even)...

fuck'em if they can't take a joke... or get it right :)